Ok, so I did have to down a few advil today to get myself less sore after pushing my limits a bit on the stationary bike - but it was worth it! I'm not just talking about a weight loss thing either...before I got on the bike that first night, I was exhausted, grumpy, cold from lack of circulation, and not feeling up to doing much of anything. It was initially hard to keep it going to (and past) the modest goal I'd set that night, but afterwards I was LESS tired, warmer, and not feeling the post-work depression that usually kicks in about then and has me toddling off to bed early. I need to remind myself, daily if need be, that it feels GOOD to do the right things for my body. It helps me, instantly AND in the long run, no matter what else I had planned for that evening.

Tonight will be a challenge...I've got an Alanon meeting til 9 tonight, after a full 9 hour day at work, and I just know I'll be trying to tell myself to quit, and do a "make up" session tomorrow - but I can't. I'm at that point where if I start slacking now, I won't be able to keep it going. So, yeah. Offically stating here that I WILL get at least another mile of bike riding under my belt tonight.

You know, New Years Day never really worked for me, as far as inspiring me to do something different with my life...particularly when it's something major, like changing my entire lifestyle and/or relationship with food. I did find some other inspirations for change this week, though, that I think will help jump-start me into making the changes I really need to make.

1) Bike riding with my kids. I was trying to teach them both to ride bikes this weekend, and finding myself having an incredibly hard time catching up with my son, or trying to run along and steady my daughters bike seat. One child too hesitant, one too gung-ho, and me too out of shape to provide the support they really need to get this milestone accomplished. And what of the "family bike rides" we'd been hoping to have? Even when they do get the hang of riding, will I be in the shape (or possess the confidence) to ride alongside them on my own bike? Will I be able to keep up...to keep them safe? I can't let this opportunity slip away.

2) Biggest Loser: Yeah, I know, that show inspires me nearly every year. Even with the occasional back-stabby person in there, it's inspiring to see people as heavy - and lately even heavier - do things that I tend tell myself I'm too heavy to even try. I'm planning now to start working out on my stationary bike during the shows whenever possible (yeah, that means I'll have to watch it on the tiny screen upstairs instead of the big one downstairs), and start treating myself as if I were working out alongside them. Not to those extremes, of course - I don't have a doctor supervising me 24/7, nor a month or two off from work, family, and all my other responsibilities to exercise as much as they do - but for the time I do have off, I'm that much more determined to MAKE the time, make it a priority, to get myself moving again.

3) #&%!* Stairs. Our house has stairs, folks, and plenty of them. You know what's really sad? I've come to the realization that I've actually AVOIDED activities I'd normally enjoy (like rushing over to see what my kid made on the computer, beading at my craft table, or yes, even the Sims 3 game that my husband installed upstairs), because it was TOO MUCH WORK for me to make it up one lousy stretch of stairs. I'd get up there, panting like an old woman, and want to do nothing more than stretch out on the bed and nap for the night. It's pathetic, and it needs to stop. Time to suck it up, and climb those stairs, for reasons other than bedtime, baths and switching out the laundry. I can't let my aerobiphobic personality keep me from enjoying life.

4) Walt Disney World: Exactly one year from today, I and my family will be at Walt Disney World. A week long family vacation, starting on New Years Day and ending when the kids school vacation ends, that we've been planning for over TEN YEARS. We honeymooned at WDW, and had such an amazing experience that both he and I promised that when our first born child reached ten years of age, we'd return for a big family vacation. I want it to go well. I want to do EVERYTHING there, and not be stopping to rest on a bench every hour or two, or too scared to go to the water parks because my bathing suit won't fit me properly. I want to get on the plane without asking for seat belt extensions, and get on the rides without the slightest worry of the safety bar not fitting me on its way down. I want to buy a Cruella DeVille costume and I want it to fit well enough that no one mistakes me for Ursula in it. I want to do this for them and for me, and if that's going to happen, I need to start seriously working on that RIGHT NOW!!

That should be enough, shouldn't it? Enough to finally get me going in the right direction? Let's hope so.

I managed to book a ticket for my next Canada trip (surprise!) and I’m looking forward to meeting some friends in Toronto, ON (my 3-day-layover before I continue my trip to Halifax). I can’t remember having traveled in what’s considered “tourist season”, but rather than pushing my trip further back to October I opted to take my vacation in August.

When it was time to pay for my ticket (and three nights at Bond Place, TO) I nearly fell off my chair. I knew traveling during the Summer months doesn’t exactly pay off as everything is more expensive, I just didn’t know the amount I now have to pay would get me TWO tickets off season!

Anyhow, one friend suggested I check out Baldwin Village for food. Baldwin Village is within walking distance from the hotel, and from what I’ve seen it all looks good, and being the carnivore that I am I immediately checked out the vegetarian restaurants in that neighborhood: Vegetarian Haven and Sage Cafe & Catering.(Doesn’t the avocado wrap look delicious?)

Guess where I’ll probably be popping in eat last once?

So, as my first update, here's what's happening with my health:

My kidney stones still flare-up now and then.  About a month ago, I had a semi-violent one when I was uninsured.  Em took me to the hospital, where IV drugs put me all better again.  She looked after me fairly well during the time after that, probably staving off follow-up attacks.  $1200 - $2200 hospital bills are AWESOME GOOD TIMES!

I've had two attacks this week, a severe one Tuesday and a mild one yesterday.  This morning, I woke with some pain, not in my bladder, but in my prostrate.  They gave me this little sieve to go rock-hunting during my first emergency visit, and I managed to have the presence of mind to grab it.

Well, there were not stones, but there was... something.  I'm making an appointment with a doc sometime next Saturday to check it out.  Maybe they can help me get a handle on why I'm having them.

Well, I officially called up Nutri-system today and cancelled all future orders. Luckily, they didn't charge me extra for opting out after 2 months (I'd signed up for 3 months, and thought I might get stuck with it, but didn't get charged anything). I'll probably either craigslist off the nearly-full second month box of food I got from them, and move on.

So why quit so soon? In short, the food made me sick. Some of the packs tasted ok as a once-in-awhile quick meal, but eating 4 packs a day of it made me have really low energy, near-constant nausea and digestive issues I don't even want to get into. Maybe someone with a more tolerant digestive system will do better with it.

I really need to come up with a food plan that will work for me - low fat but REAL foods (preferably not overly-processed or chemically enhanced stuff), more veggies and water, little to no refined sugars, and a steady increase in exercise. That shouldn't be so hard to follow now, should it? Dammit, why is it so hard for me? Crap, now I'm crying. I'll write more later, when I'm a bit less sensitive about it.

Ok, so that visit could have gone better. We couldn't figure out how to set up dad's new DVD player (it didn't come with a coax cable, his TV is ancient and he lost his original remote, making for a suck combo to hook it up with). Grandma B's rest home was depressing - I sat at the rest home watching dad force-feed her strained yams while an insane woman behind me kept screaming for her mother and putting chewed up tacos on our table as "gifts", and my daughter sat on and broke her brothers remote to his new toy car. Then came the REALLY suck part - we left for my other grandpa's, to find that my eldest aunt (who's always been somewhat bossy) had chosen that day to go into uber-biatch mode, criticizing EVERYONE who came within a few feet of her, but particularly our family. First we brought too much food, and she didn't want it all on the table...so I put it in the fridge, and she criticized me for taking up fridge room. Then I tried to take stuff out of the fridge, and she complained that I was in her way and taking up too much room in the kitchen. Later I sent my husband in to get the kids meals (so I wouldn't be in the way in the crowded room), and she called me out in front of everyone, suggesting I was just being a lazy/neglectful parent by not having both of us get up to get both kids their meals simultaneously! It got particularly nasty when she started criticizing details of how we took care of our kids, even publicly going off on me for having the NERVE to play a card game with my cousins while our youngest almost (but did NOT) spill his pie. That was the final straw for me, and I told her off in front of everyone...she got in a huff, and I got up and left the room so I could calm down enough.

Eventually, after she'd had time to reflect (or perhaps realize that there wasn't a relative in the room that wasn't on my side at that point)...she apologized. Actually pulled me aside privately to unconditionally and completely admit that she was wrong. That blew me away, because I don't think I've ever heard her do that...with ANYone. I don't know what got her in that mood in the first place, but I'm thinking it didn't have a thing to do with me or my kids, and she's got far more going on internally than anyone really suspects. Perhaps because her mom died last year, and this is quite likely our last Christmas with my grandpa (he's dying of lung disease, and was on oxygen the whole time), she's just freaking out and taking it out on everyone else. Not that it's an excuse, mind you - but while I wouldn't react that way to it, I could understand at least in some part where she's coming from.

Anyway, the holidays are over now...almost. My mom and one of my uncles and aunts (the ones I DO get along with) are coming to visit Monday and Tuesday, but before then I have two days to emotionally detox, refresh, and unwind - no better Christmas gift than that! (although the Wizard of Oz watch and DVD I got was a close second). I think a good long soak will be a perfect start to a better "morning after".